Guest Post: Motherhood and the One Piece of Advice That Will Change Everything

Lindsey is a precious woman that I became friends with when Tim and I lived in Amarillo.  We started getting to know each other during Bible study but it didn't take long until we were great friends.  She had her first son about 6 months before Robby was born.  No matter the circumstances she is in, she always has such a sweet, kind, and hopeful spirit.  I cherish her friendship and hope you gain some encouragement from her today!

I am an unbelievably proud stay-at-home mommy to two beautiful little blonde boys, ages 2 and 4.  And being a stay-at-home mom is harder than I ever thought was possible.  No one and nothing could have prepared me for this wild ride called motherhood.  It's all I ever wanted in life, to be someone's Mommy; and yet, even knowing what I thought I was getting into, there's so much you can't know until you're in it; waist-deep, sometimes just barely treading water, other times with the waves threatening to envelop you.
Motherhood is a competition.  I bet you didn't know that until you got there- I sure didn't.  Who is the best disciplinarian?  Who can sleep train the most efficiently?  Or potty train?  Or teach their child to read at the youngest age?  Are you a "good mom" like such-and-such who uses cloth diapers, makes her own (obviously organic) baby food, and nursed for exactly 12 months and zero days?  And even those who aren't mothers have an opinion- about EVERYTHING.  And advice- lots and lots of sometimes well-intentioned, usually unsolicited advice. But I have a little secret for you.  You have to keep it between us.  You ready?  Here it comes. The advice that I have for you is this- You do NOT have to take anyone's advice.  You just don't.  Really.  Nothing bad will happen if you don't try every sleep method, every feeding fad, and every pinterest craft under the sun.  You don't even have to take my advice about not taking everyone's advice.  Got it?  Phew...that's a load off.

You see, most people have sweet intentions.  They just want to fix whatever problem you're having for you.  They want to tell you what worked for them and for their babies, and a lot of people will tell you what they've heard works (even if they haven't tried it or have any kids of their own).  And like I said, most advice has good intentions behind it.  But the truth of the matter is...every child is different.  Every mother is different.  And every family dynamic is different.   Thank God for that freedom!  I don't have to mother like "Wonder-Mom", who keeps the house clean (ha ha ha!), never raises her voice, and always has her hair fixed (ok, let's be honest- who never wears pajamas all day).  I am me.  And that's all I need to be. My babies, for one, have never been great sleepers.  Neither one slept through the night until after their first birthdays.  We tried every book, every method, every piece of advice given to us on our first son.  (By the time we had our second, we knew better.)  I really and truly thought I was doing something wrong as a mom.  How am I failing him?  This (or that) method works for every other kid!  All of their babies slept through the night by 8 weeks!  I am a complete and utter failure!

But I learned that even though children learn a lot from the environment they are raised in, and in a lot of ways they can be trained...a huge part of who they are is just that- who they are, from the time they come into this world.  They are people!  They have their own bents and strange personality traits, their own likes and dislikes.  And some of those things are more manageable than others, but some of those things are just plain impossible.  But I feel like the Lord has taught me that I'm tougher than I thought that I was.  That maybe, just maybe, my boys weren't given to another mother who wasn't cut out for 2 years of all-nighters.  Maybe, just maybe, they were entrusted to me because He knew that He had equipped me for this task.  Not the mom down the street, or the one who always looks so put together at church, but me.   The beautiful truth about my piece of advice is that no one has to know that you aren't taking their advice (even me)!  I've found that when I'm on the other end of unwanted advice, I can smile, nod, and say, "Thank you for the tip!  I'll have to try that!" (And then, I can choose to try it or not.  Either way, the other party leaves satisfied with themselves, certain that they've helped me out in some way.   And I'm still the one in control of how I parent my children.) You see, no one is going to be held to the same level of accountability as you are for how your children are brought up.  "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is older, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)  That command from God is for the child's mother and father.  And while the community that each child is raised in is also accountable to some extent, no one has the influence (both positive and negative) that you have on your sweet babes.  You are the greatest teacher they will ever know, you are the one who has known them before they even took their first breaths.  You are the mama!  What a gift... and what a heavy responsibility!  

So when you choose whose advice to listen to and whose to simply nod and smile at, consider this- when God knit your little one inside your womb, He chose you.  And He chose your child.  He chose you for one another, knowing that you would be the ONLY ONE in the world who could give your child just what he or she needs.  That truth humbles me to no end when I can't stop comparing myself to other mothers or when I beat myself up over "messing everything up".  I am Benjamin's mama and I am Malachi's mama.  No one else is.  No one else answers to our Creator for them in the way my husband and I do.  So when the Holy Spirit whispers words of wisdom to me about my boys, I'm pretty careful to take that advice!  Otherwise, it's a nod, a smile, and a "Thank you."
Lindsey