The internet is a wonderful and horrible thing. While we have so much information at our fingertips, it also allows words to be slung at people without having to be accountable for how they hurt. Whether it's a Facebook post belittling a mother because of how she chooses to handle her children's sleep, or an instagram picture that is attacked because a mom snapped a picture of her baby on the changing table without a hand or strap holding him on it, or a forum post where formula is called evil and poison when a mom is asking advice on struggling to breastfeed. Maybe that mother who chose to sleep train was suffering through such horrible postpartum depression that without adequate sleep she would have psychotic thoughts, therefore sleep was an absolute necessity. Maybe that mom who snapped the picture of her smiling, happy baby had just put him on the changing table and was standing right there to catch her newborn (who was not even rolling over) in case he fell, therefore not needing the slew of mean words telling her she's doing it wrong. Maybe the mom who was struggling with her choice to have to switch to formula because there was no more milk production was actually pregnant with her second baby and didn't know it yet, therefore having to switch to formula was a necessity for the nourishment of her child. These things have happened to me. While I have also had instances happen in person (like a lady telling me at Costco that I was harming my children with the 4 containers of formula that I was purchasing and that breastfeeding is the only way for my child to thrive. And a lady who yelled at me at the grocery store parking lot for returning my cart while my child was already in the car - never mind I was parked next to the cart corral), things that happen on the internet usually get out of hand because people are not posting with love, they are wanting to prove a point and push their ideas of what they think is the right way to parent rather than thinking of the heart of that mother that is struggling.
What would happen if we as mothers started thinking carefully before we commented on people's posts or pictures? What would happen if we considered writing in love instead of attacking? What if we put our own opinions and ideas aside and focused on the heart of a struggling mother? I believe that we could win the battle on these Mommy Wars. We could come to a truce and realize that you do things the way that work for your family and I do things the way that work for mine and they are different but we still care about our children just the same. We still want our children to grow up to be kind, loving, and well adjusted, we are just approaching it in different ways. None of us were handed a manual when we were handed our babies for the first time. Maybe you read parenting books and blogs, maybe you just decided to wing it, either way we all had no idea what we were actually doing when we first became mothers. Sure we had ideas of how tired we would be those first months but we didn't actually understand until we walked around unable to speak or eat because we didn't have an ounce of energy. We had ideas of how breastfeeding would be but we didn't realize there would be times we would sit crying unconsolably because it hurt so badly or the baby just spit up everything he ate and there wasn't anything else to give him. We had ideas of how we would punish our toddlers but we didn't know how absolutely exhausting consistency would be on us or them. The point is, we don't have the manual telling us the absolute right way to handle every aspect of motherhood, but when we are met with the encouragement of other mothers who have walked this path before us, we can gain strength from their words and know that we CAN do this.
Thankfully, even though we weren't handed a parenting manual, per se, we as Christians were given the Bible to show us and encourage us in what we should be focusing on as parents. Our pastor recently preached a sermon on how to raise Gospel kids, not good kids. There are three aspects of parenting that we are called to perform: manage, nurture, and love. Our children are ours to protect, provide for, and defend. We manage them by telling them to brush their teeth, by making their meals, and by providing them with an education. We nurture them by teaching, disciplining, and correcting them. Our job entails showing them how the Gospel is applied to every aspect of life. That Christ is the center of the universe but He still was obedient to his Father and completed His mission on earth. We need to remind them of grace but also that there are consequences when they step outside of the boundaries. We are also to show them love, not by overlooking when they misbehave but by constantly reminding them of God's promises, elevating Christ, and pointing to His justice, mercy, and humility. We need to give a daily reminder that no matter what they do, God is passionately pursuing them. Thankfully, we are given hope. Hope that the Holy Spirit will light our child's heart on fire for Christ. That hope keeps us from despair when our child chooses not to love Christ as we would hope and keeps us from pride when our child does the right thing and is pursuing Christ. (Here is the link to Brent Williams' sermon if you're interested in hearing it in it's entirity http://midtown.truenorthanchorage.com/sermons/sermon/2014-07-20/real-life:-good-kids-or-gospel-kids)
So let's remember in all of our internet and personal endeavors to say things in love. Think about your struggles and doubts and allow that to lead you to have compassion. Try to focus on our unified end goal for our children instead of nitpicking all of the trivial and morally neutral ways we could use to get there. Let's cry together and laugh together. Let's be moms together. United. In love.
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